Here in the Gibson house, it has been a full and rich season. We added a third little boy to our lives in May and he has been the sweetest little gift. He puts up with being toted around, giggles all the time (especially during diaper changes and anytime you play with him), and sleeps all night long. When people ask how I am dealing with this new mom-of-three thing, I always tell them that I expected it to be much harder. Baby’s disposition has made all the difference and his brothers adore him as much as Hank and I do.
But that doesn’t mean that this season hasn’t had its challenges.
Several months ago, I was praying and asking God for clarity and wisdom with my oldest son. God graciously showed me that he has given my eldest the gift of leadership. While this is wonderful, raising a leader looks pretty frustrating and can be mind-numbingly difficult at this stage. We answer a lot of why questions, field arguments when our little leader doesn’t get to lead or doesn’t get his way, are constantly challenged with deep, evocative questions that most four years old do not ask, and struggle always to balance teaching him to submit and giving him freedom to lead.
There are a handful of friends whose opinions I deeply value when it comes to parenting. One of the sweetest gifts to being a part of a good church has been finding a tribe of likeminded moms.
The past couple of months have continued to be difficult. I have wrung my hands in frustration and been utterly clueless as to how to handle certain situations that arise with my older boys. I shared my frustrations with a couple of dear friends who are in a similar stage as me. And I asked them for advice.
Advice has gotten a pretty rotten connotation these days. Too often, people give advice when comfort or compassion is really needed. Most of the time, when a friend shares a struggle, they do not really want or need advice. They need to know they aren’t alone and that it will be ok.
But this time, I blatantly asked for advice. I admired the way my friends were parenting and I admitted that I needed help. I was out of ideas and tired of feeling out of control.
I want to have a relationship with my son that is full of joy and laughter. I want to have a protagonistic relationship with him, not an antagonistic one.
We sat together and we brainstormed new ideas of ways to handle the most common challenges I face with my pint sized leader.
My friend shared with my some wisdom – children in my child’s developmental stage are incapable of understanding how their actions affect others. I can teach him empathy and help him to think of how his taking a toy or hitting makes his brother feel, but he won’t fully grasp it for a few more years. Somehow knowing this helps me to have grace for him, while also helping to motivate me to not give up.
This motherhood journey is one of the hardest things I have ever done.
Scratch that.
This motherhood journey is the hardest thing I have ever done.
I cannot imagine doing it alone.
It took a bit of chutzpah to approach my friends and admit I didn’t have it all together. It wasn’t particularly fun admitting I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. But was it worth it? Absolutely!
I feel renewed focus and determination to lead my little leader well and I have new ways to help train him so that he will hopefully be a Christ-centered, others-focused leader in the future.
Motherhood is a journey best travelled together. Today, I am thankful for friends along the way.
Growing With The Gibsons 